APM: Santa Moving to Linux?

Christopher Baker chris at chrisbaker.net
Wed Dec 24 07:28:49 CST 2003


North Pole - Citing concerns about security and licensing costs, Santa
Claus is considering migrating his computer systems from Microsoft
Windows to Linux.

With several thousand computers and the largest database in the world,
Santa's Workshop is one of the largest and most important clients for
Microsoft. It is expected that the software maker will do whatever it
takes to keep Claus in their corner.

"If some naughty kid was able to break into my systems and change his
status to nice then the whole integrity of the Claus empire would be
called into question," said Kringle. "I also have to watch out for the
Easter Bunny. He's always trying to muscle in on my territory. If he
were able to compromise my database and get access to my client list,
then we might be celebrating Christmas in April."

"IIS couldn't keep up when Slashdot posted a link to that web-interface
I made for turning Rudolph's new LED nose on and off. That was the last
straw," Claus continued. "I'm entrusting the entire holiday of Christmas
to a company that can't even make a reliable web server?"

Microsoft feels that the issue isn't security but the new licensing
agreement currently being negotiated with the North Pole giant. "You
think he's all 'Ho ho ho' but Santa is one tough negotiator," said the
Microsoft sales representative responsible for the North Pole region.
"Behind that beard is a shrewd operator. He's managed to stay in
business for centuries while giving his product away for free. Even the
best Internet entrepreneurs couldn't sustain that business model."

Santa has more leverage than most of Microsoft's customers said one
analyst. "He's made some veiled threats about Xboxes falling off the
sleigh while he's flying over the Atlantic. I also heard he threatened
to move Gates and Ballmer to the Naughty List."

Santa dismisses Microsoft's claims that his threats to move to Linux are
nothing more than a negotiation tactic. "I agree with the philosophy of
the Linux community. I give all these toys and goodies away for free, I
think that the software I choose should be supporting those sort of
ideals too."

Linux would be a good fit for Santa on both the server and the client
side. "Linux has strong server choices and as far as the workstations
the elves don't use them for anything other than to listen to Christmas
carols and to open up the occasional Christmas list that some geek sends
to us on CD.

Sources say that Red Hat Linux remains the front runner if Santa does
decide to switch.

"This Christmas season does something to us inside. It sets us on our
feet and gives us a cue as to the way we should go. Our part is to
carry on from there, to carry this spirit which comes to us at this
season into the rest of the year. Then it may be said of us, as Dickens
remarked of one of his characters, 'It was always said of him, that he
knew how to keep Christmas very well.'" --Edmund Opitz
Chris Baker -- www.chrisbaker.net
chris at chrisbaker.net, chrisbaker at iname.com, cbaker2 at columbus.rr.com
"When you stop growing, you start dying."

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