[Chicago-talk] Two positions for Perl programmers in McHenry, IL
mongers at bsod.net
Thu Jun 10 12:43:03 CDT 2004
Subject: [Chicago-talk] Two positions for Perl programmers in McHenry, IL
From: Andy Lester <andy at petdance.com>
Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2004 11:40:22 -0500
}Please follow the directions in the ad. I can answer questions, but
}any resumes sent to this address will be deleted.
For those of you who weren't at Andy's talk on the 1st, allow me to cover
some highlights for you if you're interested in applying:
* Send in a stock resume with a templated cover letter of 50 words or less.
* Liberally sprinkle in grammatical and spelling errors for flavor.
* Put in your resume, "Visit my LiveJournal for my contact info!"
* Include your summer job as a burger flipper, and explain why you did it.
* Don't mention your skillsets - he'll figure them out from your job titles.
* Include a photo of you and your six cats, and photoshop their names into it.
* Mention your high school student council and debate team experience.
* Throw as many keywords in as possible. It works for search engines, too!
* Make vague threats against other people in the name of "patriotism".
* Put your salary alongside every position on your resume, but inflated 35%.
* Demand a "nap time" in the middle of every work day, with milk and cookies.
* Make up an essay question and answer it in the cover letter, such as:
* Why is the mascot of Perl a camel, not an oyster?
* Which OS is the best one ever, and why?
* What foreign languages can you speak, in case we outsource?
* Finally, whatever you do, don't mention anything about his company. He
already knows all about it, so it'd probably bore him to tears.
Remember, it's all about not being forgotten. So follow these tips and
I'm sure Andy will not forget your resume!
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