How about..? Re: Fundraising

Doug Miles doug.miles at
Wed Jul 3 14:02:08 CDT 2002

Scott Walters wrote:
> Re: Raise money using Perl
> 1. Microchip implant for cats, giving them a sort() function, allowing 
>    replacement of office workers with felines.
> 2. Send spam using Mail::Sendmail to convince people that the pr0n they
>    deleted from their harddrive 10 years ago will be mailed to their
>    living relatives localtime(time()+86400) unless they buy our software.
> 3. Create a corporation and send out a press release that we have a single
>    atom wide transistor working in our labs, get slashdotted (along with the other
>    hundreds of companies that claimed the same impossible thing), then run
>    with the investment money.
> 4. Make the next Furby(tm), but with improved Rubbish Listing abilities.
> 5. Write a filter to convert ASP to Perl. Make it viral. Don your consulting caps.
>    Regretfully inform everyone that it is impossible to convert the other direction.
>    Don your developer hat.
> 6. Sell Xboxes rebadged as small office servers.
> 7. Perl Programmer Batchelor Auction
> 8. Add to the base install, used by default
> 9. Leak the aweful secret that the "B" in Visual BASIC stands for "Beginner's".
> 10. Start an interactive computer porn site, where you can strip (man strip)
>     binaries, grep files, and fsck your disc.
> 11. Send out notices offering to renew your programming language licesnse,
>     with fine print that we aren't in any way affiliated with their current
>     provider. Make them look suspiciously like bills from a well known 
>     provider. Send them to customers of that provider.
> 12. License Unreal engine. Write a video game glorifying Perl that implies
>     that you will get to kill a lot of people using big weapons if you program
>     in Perl without legal or moral recourse. Put it up for free download on the 
>     website [this is a reference to the Army's identical tactic].
> Thats a tall order. If there was money to be made writing Perl, I wouldn't be
> spewing rubbish on the list right now =)

That's too funny.  About halfway through this list I was thinking: 
"Sombody give this man a job! Please!". :)

> Speaking of being paid *not* to wear Speedos, perhaps the world would prefer
> to pay us *not* to develop Perl further rather then have more features added
> to the infamous line-noise langauge. We could found "Perl programmers against
> Perl", and collect a fund to pay Damian to stay at home and watch TV. Of
> course, we wouldn't be able to police him ;)
> -scott
> On Wed, 3 Jul 2002, Frooninckx Craig - cfroon wrote:
>>Ouch, didn't hear that about Damian.
>>The only thing about a carwash is that it is overdone, any given Saturday I
>>seem to find about 20 carwashes with teenagers in skimpy bikinis (and I
>>don't think we would attract too many cars wearing Speedos).  Is there
>>something that we could do to raise funds using Perl?  
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: Scott Walters [mailto:phaedrus at]
>>Sent: Wednesday, July 03, 2002 1:08 AM
>>To: phoenix-pm-list at
>>Subject: How about..? Re: Fundraising
>>Who wants to hold a benefit carwash...? *That* would be cool =)
>>It looks like YAS needs all the help they can get. Damian was laid off,
>>apparently, due to lack of funds. Half way through the year and they have
>>51%. We could serve lemon aid and pie to people waiting for their cars to
>>be washed.
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