How about..? Re: Fundraising

Scott Walters phaedrus at
Wed Jul 3 12:03:15 CDT 2002

Re: Raise money using Perl

1. Microchip implant for cats, giving them a sort() function, allowing 
   replacement of office workers with felines.
2. Send spam using Mail::Sendmail to convince people that the pr0n they
   deleted from their harddrive 10 years ago will be mailed to their
   living relatives localtime(time()+86400) unless they buy our software.
3. Create a corporation and send out a press release that we have a single
   atom wide transistor working in our labs, get slashdotted (along with the other
   hundreds of companies that claimed the same impossible thing), then run
   with the investment money.
4. Make the next Furby(tm), but with improved Rubbish Listing abilities.
5. Write a filter to convert ASP to Perl. Make it viral. Don your consulting caps.
   Regretfully inform everyone that it is impossible to convert the other direction.
   Don your developer hat.
6. Sell Xboxes rebadged as small office servers.
7. Perl Programmer Batchelor Auction
8. Add to the base install, used by default
9. Leak the aweful secret that the "B" in Visual BASIC stands for "Beginner's".
10. Start an interactive computer porn site, where you can strip (man strip)
    binaries, grep files, and fsck your disc.
11. Send out notices offering to renew your programming language licesnse,
    with fine print that we aren't in any way affiliated with their current
    provider. Make them look suspiciously like bills from a well known 
    provider. Send them to customers of that provider.
12. License Unreal engine. Write a video game glorifying Perl that implies
    that you will get to kill a lot of people using big weapons if you program
    in Perl without legal or moral recourse. Put it up for free download on the 
    website [this is a reference to the Army's identical tactic].

Thats a tall order. If there was money to be made writing Perl, I wouldn't be
spewing rubbish on the list right now =)

Speaking of being paid *not* to wear Speedos, perhaps the world would prefer
to pay us *not* to develop Perl further rather then have more features added
to the infamous line-noise langauge. We could found "Perl programmers against
Perl", and collect a fund to pay Damian to stay at home and watch TV. Of
course, we wouldn't be able to police him ;)


On Wed, 3 Jul 2002, Frooninckx Craig - cfroon wrote:

> Ouch, didn't hear that about Damian.
> The only thing about a carwash is that it is overdone, any given Saturday I
> seem to find about 20 carwashes with teenagers in skimpy bikinis (and I
> don't think we would attract too many cars wearing Speedos).  Is there
> something that we could do to raise funds using Perl?  
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Scott Walters [mailto:phaedrus at]
> Sent: Wednesday, July 03, 2002 1:08 AM
> To: phoenix-pm-list at
> Subject: How about..? Re: Fundraising
> Who wants to hold a benefit carwash...? *That* would be cool =)
> It looks like YAS needs all the help they can get. Damian was laid off,
> apparently, due to lack of funds. Half way through the year and they have
> 51%. We could serve lemon aid and pie to people waiting for their cars to
> be washed.
> -scott
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