santa is a chick

[Elaine Ashton]

ok..i know this isn't perl related, but i thought it was funny enough to
share with the list.

e.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
I think Santa Claus is a woman.  I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth,
but I believe he is a she.  Think about it.  Christmas is a big,
organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time
believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting 
gifts until Christmas Eve.  It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of
Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on December 24th, when they, with amazing
calm, call other errant men and plan for a last minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprized to find only ronco products,
socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think 
this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but for most of them,
it's an enormous relief because it lessoens the 11th hour decision making
burden.)  On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas
morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the
bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there.  first of all, there
would be no reindeer, because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on
to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that the
buck season had been extended.  Blitzen's rack would already be on the way
to the taxidermist.  Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still
have transportation problems because he would inevitabley get lost up
there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for
directions.

Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney,
were the Bob Vila like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the
flue.

He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas 
fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to
straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

>>--Men can't pack a bag.
>>--Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
>>--Men would feel their masculinity is threatened. . .having to be seen
with all those little elves.
>>--Men don't answer their mail.
>>--Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest
as anything similiar to "round and robust".
>>--Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
>>--Having to do the HoHoHo thing would seriously inhibit their ability to
pick up women.
>>--Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men. . .
Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
Cupid flies around carrying weapons.  Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to
point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testostorone
screening test.   But not St. Nick.  Not a chance.

As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat 
King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song", it probabley makes little
difference what gender Santa is.  I just wish she'd quit dressing like a
guy!!!